pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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