apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
