Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
