I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
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