Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
