He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
