I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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