Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Is Oprah even human
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
