I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
