life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
