I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i think i have two assholes
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
