He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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