i would punch a child for taco bell
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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