he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
