im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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