Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
