My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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