first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
