I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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