At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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