youre lurking in front of me
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
