Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
