Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
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