My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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