my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
