even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
