I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
