just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
