she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
