I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
