Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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