Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
