mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
