well I can't set my house on fire every night
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
