i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
