Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
