At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
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