the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
