I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
