why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
