The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
