My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
