and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
