We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
