My room smells like vodka and shame
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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