I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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