I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
