He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
