butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
