problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
When are your genitals available?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
