Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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