She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I have aggressive nipples.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
