You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
how does that bad decision feel?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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