i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
