I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
